Why I’m Voting For Obama

(Cross-posted from America Needs Me)

(Note: America Needs Me would like to welcome its first guest contributor ever. Buffi lives in West Hollywood and works in the entertainment industry. She’s asked to keep her personal information to a minimum here because, “You Republicans have, like, guns and stuff.”)

Why I’m Voting For Obama

Well, let’s just start by saying that I’ve never really been a political sort of person before because I thought my vote didn’t matter. But then that guy from the Black Eyed Peas told me it would. You know, the one who isn’t Fergie. And is a guy. Anyway. He told me it did count but only if I voted for Bar…I can’t say His name just yet, I’ll get too emotional.

I’m young but I know that He appeals to all ages because that old lady from the 80’s loves him too. I think her name is Magina. She’s divorcing some British guy and she bought an African school and took a kid from it once. I heard she was really hot when Reagan was president and people my age gave a crap about MTV. But she loves…Him.

I have to say His name or everything inside of me might explode.

Obama.

OMG, I did it! Just like His website, I will only refer to him by his last name.

Obama.

Just like all those chanting Germans said it. There isn’t anything that thousands of chanting Germans could be wrong about, is there? Europeans are SO da bomb!

I support Obama because only He will bring change. This election is all about change. We need change in Washington. I don’t want George Bush to win again. If Obama doesn’t win, it will be four more years of George Bush. I said this to someone who brought up something about “term limits”. I just stuck my hand in his face and said, “That’s old politics! I’m for change and a new way.” Yeah, I went there.

I support Obama because I can call Sarah Palin a c**t and hate her dumb Alaska way of having kids and a job but still tell people I’m a feminist. Besides, the New York Times said she probably killed Abraham Lincoln, so, I mean, you know, that’s bad.

I support Obama because He is going to take money from other people and give it to me. I think that’s called racism. I’m not sure. Something is called racism, because they say it a lot.

I support Obama because He picked that guy from the wax museum with fake hair to be His running mate. It’s important to have people from olden times around to explain things like the Beatles and hockey to the president. Wax Museum Guy even saw President Roosevelt on TV so he must be really smart about things I can’t understand.

I support Obama because he smiles a lot and, well, it’s good to smile. Especially if our enemies are talking to us. We should always smile then. And listen. A hug would be nice. Whoa, here comes an enemy and he has a really, really, thick vest on. He might be hard to hug.

I support Obama because I can get free health care during an abortion, a sinus infection or a herpes flare-up. If any other man offered me that I would marry him. But I wouldn’t tell him about the herpes. Or the abortion. I just want free stuff, actually.

I support Obama because He supports alternative fuels. That means growing so much corn to make ethanol that poor people starve to death and no one needs to drive or fly to see them. That saves gas. Seriously, how obvious is that, people? Get with the program! Oh, windmills are important too.

I support Obama because He and that blond guy on MSNBC have such a beautiful love affair. America is totally ready for an openly gay president.

Mostly, I support Obama because He’s, well, gosh, just look at Him. And listen to Him. He keeps saying all those words. Then He turns them into sentences with all kinds of punctuation and stuff. Like the one time He said…um, something I don’t remember right now but He said it in such an awesome way that my friends and I are still talking about the total awesomeness of it.

Obama makes me feel happy inside. Like McDonald’s fries. But when He is president He will make sure I get those fries for free.

That’s why I support Obama.

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