Homily To The Muslims.

By Findalis

Book of Obama, Chapter 6

It came to pass that on the 4th day of the month of June, the Anointed One journeyed to the land of the Pharaohs. In the city of Cairo, where no Pharaoh had ever walked, the Anointed One, spoke to the assembled at the Hall of Learning.

I carry to you the goodwill of MY people of America and the peace of the Mosques of America: assalaamu alaykum.

We in the West have kept the Muslim down in the gutter for too long. We have colonized your lands, stolen your property and kept you in ignorance. But I will CHANGE that.

On 9/11 you attacked us, and we were angry. But that is now over. We can work together without us mentioning 9/11, all is forgiven.

This CHANGE will not be easy. This CHANGE will not take place overnight. It will take a year or two, but I will bring CHANGE and HOPE to all the Muslim world.

I tell you that I am a Christian, but MY father, grandfather and brother were all Muslims. I spent many years as a boy in a Muslim land. I worked with Muslims in Chicago. And I learned your history. How you developed Algebra (actually invented in India) , the Magnetic Compass (invented in China), pens and printing(invented in China), all the while bringing peace, prosperity, and harmony to the world ( as long as the Christians, Jews and Hindus paid a special tax and lived as second class citizens). Your level of medicine rivaled that of the modern world of today (that is if you like dipping fly wings into your tea and drinking it to cure disease). How you brought about the Renaissance and Enlightenment (both would have come earlier if Muslim armies hadn’t invaded Europe).

I know that Muslims were fundamental to the establishment of the United States. That Muslims fought in our wars, served in government, stood for civil rights, started businesses, taught at our Universities, excelled in our sports arenas, won Nobel Prizes, built our tallest building, and lit the Olympic Torch (all within the last 50 years). We were first recognized by Morocco (that is after France, Great Britain, and Spain).

You have a bad misconception of ME. MY America is Muslim friendly with a Mosque in every state and 1200 in the nation. We welcome Muslims with open arms. You are free to force your women to wear your burkas, insist on forcing Christians and Jews into a Dhimmi role, and kill your female relatives if they upset your honor. Just don’t show anti-Semitic pictures. Don’t yell your true feelings of hatred in the world.

We are all humans. We must all respect that.

I will state it again: America is not at war with Islam. (So please don’t attack us again, right?)

I will not keep MY troops in Afghanistan or Iraq. I will have them away from those lands within a few years. (I’m gonna need them to destroy Israel.) We will keep up the illusion of fighting the extremists with the help of of the Muslim world. (I know you don’t want them to lose and I need to save face.) We will defeat them together. (Or not, they are useful to keep the sheep scared.)

I will bring a solution to the Palestinian problem. It is all the fault of the Israelis. They will do what I will say. There will be peace. For I will make Israel give the Palestinians everything that they want, and the Palestinians will not have to do anything. And if there isn’t peace, then I will blame the failure on the Israelis.

I will allow Iran to have Nukes, and will make everyone give up theirs instead. That way the Muslim world can have as many Nukes they wish to force their will on others.

I grant Freedom of Religion to all Muslims. The 7 million Muslims in America (There are no more than 3 million Muslims in America) have such freedom. That is why we welcome efforts like Saudi Arabian King Abdullah’s Interfaith dialogue (How many churches and synagogues are there in Saudi Arabia?) and Turkey’s leadership in the Alliance of Civilizations (As long as non-Muslims accept the Dhimmitude).

The right of women to wear the hajib I give freely. You should educate them, but remember your faith does not allow them to be treated equally.

I give you the gift of Democracy. But only the Democracy that you want. I urge you to treat your non-Muslims with dignity, but remember they are Dhimmis and you know the rights they are to have.

And then He spoke from the Koran, He spoke the words of peace and understanding.

The assembled in the Hall of Learning rose in great cheers. For He will give them the world on a platter and they have to do almost nothing. No more cries of: “Death to Israel!” No more whispers and planning. All they have to do is sit back and let it happen.

But a wind began to stir. The discord of dissent was coming from the Holy City. The Leader of the Hebrews, Netanyahu arose. He spoke the words of discourse loud enough for all to hear:

NO WE WON’T!!!!!!!
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