Sderot: November Update

Crossposted by Findalis at Monkey in the Middle

By Anav Silverman – Sderot Media Center

More than 126 Qassam and 71 mortar rockets were fired at Sderot and the Negev from northern Gaza since November 4 according to the Intelligence and Terrorism and Information Center.

November 4-5, 2008: Over 60 Palestinian Qassam rockets were fired on Sderot and the western Negev. Hamas renewed Qassam rocket fire against Israeli civilians living in the Negev throughout Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning, in light of. The rockets damaged several green houses in the western Negev. Two rockets landed in Ashkelon, one which hit a quiet neighborhood, and sent three people into shock and trauma. The massive rocket attack came about when IDF Special Forces entered Gaza to blow up a tunnel dug by Hamas terrorists that was created in order to abduct Israeli soldiers.

Photo courtesy of Sderot Media Center

November 7, 2008: Southern Israelis woke up to another day of rocket attacks Friday as Palestinian terrorists fired five Kassams at western Negev neighborhoods. The rockets landed in the Sderot, Eshkol and Sha’ar Hanegev regions. No one was wounded and no damage was reported. One of the Kassams landed near a kibbutz reservoir, while a second hit the fence surrounding another western Negev kibbutz. The other rockets hit open areas. The Islamic Jihad’s armed wing claimed responsibility for the attacks. (Jerusalem Post)

November 14, 2008: A Qassam rocket launched from the northern Gaza Strip hit an electric pole near a house in Sderot on Friday, injuring an 80-year-old woman with shrapnel and seven people suffered from shock from the attack.

Four more rockets hit the Ashkelon area later Friday. One landed inside the city, another fell just outside, and two more landed in nearby open fields shortly after an alarm was sounded. Defense establishment officials said at least two of the rockets were Grad missiles. Three people suffered from shock. All victims were evacuated to Barzilai hospital in Ashkelon. A total of 14 rockets were fired on the Western Negev on Friday. (YNET News)

November 20, 2008: The port city of Ashdod, 24 km north of the Gaza border, was this week connected to the rocket alert system already in use in Ashkelon and Sderot. It is an acknowledgement that threats by Palestinian militants to bring it within range are being taken
seriously. (Jewish Chronicle)

November 27, 2008: Gaza terrorists continued their attacks on southern Israel Thursday evening, firing a Kassam rocket that hit a home in the Eshkol region, damaging the structure wounding no one. Earlier Thursday, two rockets landed in open areas in the western Negev. The exact impact sites of the other two rockets could not initially be ascertained due to heavy fog in the area, however there were no reports of wounded or further damage.

November 29, 2008: Eight Israel Defense Forces soldiers were wounded Friday evening, two seriously, after mortars fired by Gaza Strip militants hit a military base near Kibbutz Nahal Oz in the western Negev. The soldiers were evacuated to Soroka Hospital in Be’er Sheva and to Barzilai Hospital in Ashkelon. Six soldiers were still hospitalized Saturday morning. Doctors had to amputate the leg of one of the soldiers who was brought to the hospital in serious condition.
(Haaretz.com)

From Monkey in the Middle:

Just imagine you are sitting down to your Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and a rocket lands in your home, or your neighbors, or your child’s school. Imagine the stress and trauma that the people of the Western Negev have lived with these 8 years. No nation on Earth would put up with it for this long, and yet Israel has to. Why? Because the world would condemn them if they truly struck back.

This holiday season please give a small donation to the Sderot Media Center. Help make a traumatized child’s Hanukkah a little more joyful.

It has been said by many that only Jews can make light of a tragedy. That when things are bad they turn to comedy. And so it is in Israel with the situation in the Western Negev. And only Yaakov Kirschen can do it best.

From Dry Bones

Sderot: November Update

Crossposted by Findalis at Monkey in the Middle

By Anav Silverman – Sderot Media Center

More than 126 Qassam and 71 mortar rockets were fired at Sderot and the Negev from northern Gaza since November 4 according to the Intelligence and Terrorism and Information Center.

November 4-5, 2008: Over 60 Palestinian Qassam rockets were fired on Sderot and the western Negev. Hamas renewed Qassam rocket fire against Israeli civilians living in the Negev throughout Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning, in light of. The rockets damaged several green houses in the western Negev. Two rockets landed in Ashkelon, one which hit a quiet neighborhood, and sent three people into shock and trauma. The massive rocket attack came about when IDF Special Forces entered Gaza to blow up a tunnel dug by Hamas terrorists that was created in order to abduct Israeli soldiers.

Photo courtesy of Sderot Media Center

November 7, 2008: Southern Israelis woke up to another day of rocket attacks Friday as Palestinian terrorists fired five Kassams at western Negev neighborhoods. The rockets landed in the Sderot, Eshkol and Sha’ar Hanegev regions. No one was wounded and no damage was reported. One of the Kassams landed near a kibbutz reservoir, while a second hit the fence surrounding another western Negev kibbutz. The other rockets hit open areas. The Islamic Jihad’s armed wing claimed responsibility for the attacks. (Jerusalem Post)

November 14, 2008: A Qassam rocket launched from the northern Gaza Strip hit an electric pole near a house in Sderot on Friday, injuring an 80-year-old woman with shrapnel and seven people suffered from shock from the attack.

Four more rockets hit the Ashkelon area later Friday. One landed inside the city, another fell just outside, and two more landed in nearby open fields shortly after an alarm was sounded. Defense establishment officials said at least two of the rockets were Grad missiles. Three people suffered from shock. All victims were evacuated to Barzilai hospital in Ashkelon. A total of 14 rockets were fired on the Western Negev on Friday. (YNET News)

November 20, 2008: The port city of Ashdod, 24 km north of the Gaza border, was this week connected to the rocket alert system already in use in Ashkelon and Sderot. It is an acknowledgement that threats by Palestinian militants to bring it within range are being taken
seriously. (Jewish Chronicle)

November 27, 2008: Gaza terrorists continued their attacks on southern Israel Thursday evening, firing a Kassam rocket that hit a home in the Eshkol region, damaging the structure wounding no one. Earlier Thursday, two rockets landed in open areas in the western Negev. The exact impact sites of the other two rockets could not initially be ascertained due to heavy fog in the area, however there were no reports of wounded or further damage.

November 29, 2008: Eight Israel Defense Forces soldiers were wounded Friday evening, two seriously, after mortars fired by Gaza Strip militants hit a military base near Kibbutz Nahal Oz in the western Negev. The soldiers were evacuated to Soroka Hospital in Be’er Sheva and to Barzilai Hospital in Ashkelon. Six soldiers were still hospitalized Saturday morning. Doctors had to amputate the leg of one of the soldiers who was brought to the hospital in serious condition.
(Haaretz.com)

From Monkey in the Middle:

Just imagine you are sitting down to your Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and a rocket lands in your home, or your neighbors, or your child’s school. Imagine the stress and trauma that the people of the Western Negev have lived with these 8 years. No nation on Earth would put up with it for this long, and yet Israel has to. Why? Because the world would condemn them if they truly struck back.

This holiday season please give a small donation to the Sderot Media Center. Help make a traumatized child’s Hanukkah a little more joyful.

It has been said by many that only Jews can make light of a tragedy. That when things are bad they turn to comedy. And so it is in Israel with the situation in the Western Negev. And only Yaakov Kirschen can do it best.

From Dry Bones

OMGosh THIS is WHY Our Government is TOAST!

From my friend Michelle–a little humor to illustrate why government as it stands is screwed (wanna bet they’re all dems?)

Ever wonder WHY the Government is in the shape that it’s in today?

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble:

01. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

02. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, ‘I’m not trying
to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.’ Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ‘Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa.’ Her response? Click!

03. A senior Vermont congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!’ (OMG)

04. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, ‘Is it possible to see England from Canada?’ I said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘But they look so close on the map.’ (OMG, again!)

05. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ‘I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.’ (Aghhhh)

06. An Illinois congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m. and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast; she bought that.

07. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ‘Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?’ I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ She replied, ‘ Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!’ After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing), I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal); the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

08. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ‘Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?’

09. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, ‘How do I know which plane to get on?’ I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ‘I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.’

10. A lady senator called and said, ‘I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?’ I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, ‘Yeah, whatever, smarty!’

11. A senior senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. ‘Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.’ I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ‘Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!’

12. A New Mexico congresswoman called to make reservations, ‘I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.’ I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ‘Are you sure that’s the name of the town?’ ‘Yes, what flights do you have?’ replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ‘I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.’ The lady retorted, ‘Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!’ So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ‘You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?’ The reply? ‘Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.’

Any Questions?

OMGosh THIS is WHY Our Government is TOAST!

From my friend Michelle–a little humor to illustrate why government as it stands is screwed (wanna bet they’re all dems?)

Ever wonder WHY the Government is in the shape that it’s in today?

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble:

01. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

02. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, ‘I’m not trying
to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.’ Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ‘Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa.’ Her response? Click!

03. A senior Vermont congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!’ (OMG)

04. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, ‘Is it possible to see England from Canada?’ I said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘But they look so close on the map.’ (OMG, again!)

05. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ‘I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.’ (Aghhhh)

06. An Illinois congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m. and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast; she bought that.

07. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ‘Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?’ I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ She replied, ‘ Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!’ After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing), I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal); the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

08. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ‘Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?’

09. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, ‘How do I know which plane to get on?’ I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ‘I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.’

10. A lady senator called and said, ‘I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?’ I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, ‘Yeah, whatever, smarty!’

11. A senior senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. ‘Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.’ I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ‘Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!’

12. A New Mexico congresswoman called to make reservations, ‘I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.’ I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ‘Are you sure that’s the name of the town?’ ‘Yes, what flights do you have?’ replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ‘I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.’ The lady retorted, ‘Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!’ So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ‘You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?’ The reply? ‘Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.’

Any Questions?

They Walk Among Us!-Comedy From Dean

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said we had the largest one Sears made at the time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not.” Four is larger than two..”

We haven’t used Sears Repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From Kingman, KS.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

She was a Probation Officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A Deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s Office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “its open!” His reply? “I know. I already got that side.”

This was at the Ford Dealership in Canton , Mississippi

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!!!

They Walk Among Us!-Comedy From Dean

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said we had the largest one Sears made at the time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not.” Four is larger than two..”

We haven’t used Sears Repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From Kingman, KS.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

She was a Probation Officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A Deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s Office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “its open!” His reply? “I know. I already got that side.”

This was at the Ford Dealership in Canton , Mississippi

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!!!

Ain’t It The truth–Joke from Bonnie

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

‘Yes, Father?’ said the nurse.

‘I would really like to see Senator’s Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die.’ whispered the priest.

‘I’ll see what I can do, Father’ replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.

As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Teddy, ‘I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN IT.’ Kennedy agreed it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Ted’s hand in his right hand and Hillary’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. ‘Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?’

The old priest slowly replied, ‘I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.’

‘Amen’ said Teddy.

‘Amen’ said Hillary.

The old priest continued, ‘Jesus died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.’

Ain’t It The truth–Joke from Bonnie

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

‘Yes, Father?’ said the nurse.

‘I would really like to see Senator’s Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die.’ whispered the priest.

‘I’ll see what I can do, Father’ replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.

As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Teddy, ‘I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN IT.’ Kennedy agreed it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Ted’s hand in his right hand and Hillary’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. ‘Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?’

The old priest slowly replied, ‘I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.’

‘Amen’ said Teddy.

‘Amen’ said Hillary.

The old priest continued, ‘Jesus died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.’

Ain’t It The truth–Joke from Bonnie

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

‘Yes, Father?’ said the nurse.

‘I would really like to see Senator’s Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die.’ whispered the priest.

‘I’ll see what I can do, Father’ replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.

As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Teddy, ‘I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN IT.’ Kennedy agreed it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Ted’s hand in his right hand and Hillary’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. ‘Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?’

The old priest slowly replied, ‘I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.’

‘Amen’ said Teddy.

‘Amen’ said Hillary.

The old priest continued, ‘Jesus died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.’

Parent Job Description-Time For Some Humor!

My friend Michelle sent this to me–the job description for parents! How many of us would have “applied” for the job if we’d seen an ad like this? And yet, how can we resist?

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life
if you play your cards right.

**AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!